My Husband Doesn't Put Me First! How to Find More Balance in Your Marriage
“My husband doesn’t put me first!” Could you ever have imagined, the day you married the man of your dreams, that those words would ever come out of your mouth? Of course you didn’t. You envisioned a marriage unlike any other that you’d ever heard of or witnessed. You thought that your husband would always cater to your needs the way he did when he first fell head over heels in love with you. Now, you’ve been pushed back behind his career, his friends and his hobbies. You feel second or third best and it’s wearing you down. That’s completely understandable. No woman gets married with the intention of becoming someone who feels disposable to her spouse. This is not a situation that is going to remedy itself. Unless you make it your number one priority and take measured steps to change the current dynamic of your marriage, you are going to continually resent your husband until it reaches a point where you feel the need to separate your life from his.
If your husband doesn’t put you first, your marriage is not in the balanced place it needs to be. Granted, there are other important people and things that your husband cannot ignore, but in a general sense a woman should always feel as though, in her husband’s eyes, nothing is more important than she is. If you don’t feel that way, you’re inevitably going to start pulling away from your husband because you feel taken for granted. That’s why it’s essential that you take a few steps to re-establish a balanced dynamic now.
To begin with express to your husband in a calm, rational and very direct way that you don’t appreciate the position you’ve fallen to within his life. Surprisingly, to many women, a good number of men don’t even recognize when they are pushing their wife aside for other things. Your husband may truly feel that your bond with one another is so strong and based in such a deep place of security that there’s nothing that can come before that. In his heart he may view you as his main focus, but his actions just aren’t relaying that message. That’s why simply telling him that you feel you aren’t his priority may be enough to snap his attention back to where it needs to be.
If speaking with him about your feelings doesn’t change anything you obviously need to take a different approach. One method that many women have found useful is to stop being as attentive to their husbands as they have been. You may feel this is compromising who you are as a woman and partner, but you must view it as simply a lesson in guidance for your husband. By showing your husband the emotions that come racing to the surface when one spouse feels neglected, he’ll start to begin to understand what you’re feeling. I wouldn’t recommend doing anything very drastic while you attempt to show him that you’re not putting him first. It’s best to do it in a very subtle way by making plans that don’t include him, neglecting to make his dinner or not actively asking him how his day went.
Once your husband starts to notice the shift in your behavior, his mindset should also shift accordingly. He’s going to realize that your focus has wandered off him to other things and that generally won’t sit well with most men. He’ll suddenly become very attentive, he’ll anticipate your needs and nothing will be more important than you.